The other day, I was at a coffee shop event with a minimum and I suddenly found myself craving hot chocolate. Knowing it was a long shot, I asked the barista if he knew if the hot chocolate they used had milk in it or if he knew if it could be made vegan. A woman to the right of me, waiting to collect her treats casually said, “I doubt it.”
I was pretty surprised by this. I, too, figured it was a long shot, but I’ve been trying to get better about putting myself out there and asking simple questions like this because it doesn’t hurt to know. Her response caught me off guard and as I turned to give what I hoped would come off as a friendly “it was worth a try!” shrug, I saw her ballcap which read “vegan for the animals.”
Instant connection! As my mouth caught up to my brain, I smiled, “Oh; yeah! You too. Me too. Cool!” The hot chocolate was not vegan. The popcorn was and my new vegan friend and I walked away with our popcorn boxes, bonding over the funny little joy of “buttered” popcorn that isn’t “real.”
As I got back to my seat, I was thinking about how my first reaction to her chiming in about the hot chocolate was almost defensiveness. I felt, for a moment, self conscious for asking about the hot chocolate and very aware of being seen as a nuisance or burden to the local business. And did she also think I was being high maintenance or annoying or “that kind of vegan?”
Oh how easy it is to misunderstand.
Upon seeing her hat and realizing she was not rolling her eyes at the obvious existence of milk powder in powdered cocoa but rather signaling that she too wishes the hot cocoa was vegan friendly, I immediately felt connected and like her comment had been helpful rather than judgemental.
It made me wonder how many times I’d been on the receiving end of good intentions that I didn’t translate as such.
It made me more determined to see the world as friendly first, to assume the best, and to not let my own insecurities or sensitivities color my experience of human interaction.
I wonder if we might all learn a little from that. I wonder if we might all live a little kinder if we gave the benefit of the doubt as freely as we pass judgement.
If we trust that we really are all playing on the same team… all of us.
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