Collateral Benefits

The other day, my partner and I were talking about something I’d done for my own personal development and goals. “And I did that alllllll for you!” I joked as we turned the corner onto our street. 

“No, that’s not true—” we both started to protest at once, knowing the value I place on doing things for ourselves. 

“True, true… but it’s nice that it benefits you too. You know how they talk about collateral damage? No, you’re getting collateral benefits!” 

We laughed about this for a moment and he watched the gears turn in my brain as I processed what that meant. 

Working to become the best, healthiest, kindest, most responsible version of myself is a task I take fairly seriously. I like achievement and I like knowing I’m doing my best to take care of myself and those around me. 

At the same time, coming to the relationship or growing in the relationship knowing that I’ve taken steps and created practices that help me stay grounded or grateful or [insert any other positive identifier here] ultimately helps us in our relationship. 

It’s easy to make someone collateral damage to your own unhealed heart. 

It’s more worthwhile to take care of yourself… and then introduce someone to your collateral benefits.