A friend shared an article from the Huffington Post entitled “50 Eye-Opening Questions to Ask Your Grandchildren.” In reading the piece, I realized it could serve as inspiration for this childless 30-year-old. It would be a good exercise for me… for all of us. So here’s to a new series of questions. I’m going to pick my favorites and share over the coming months. May you also be inspired to reflect deeply on your own answers.
Question: What makes somebody a good friend?
If you’d asked a younger me, I might have said something about having things in common. In grade school and even high school, many of our closest friendships are built through proximity. We both play this sport. We both do this activity. We will be good friends because we can build our relationship off a shared love of the thing.
That’s a valid first thought. As an adult, that initial connection still exists. Many of the friends I’ve made since college have come to me through shared interests, jobs, volunteer opportunities, etc. But having the same employer doesn’t automatically make someone a good friend. And having things in common isn’t a total prerequisite for friendship.
I love when I can talk to my friends about a particular interest or happening in my life and they can respond with context and knowledge of the topic. But you know what else is fun? Talking to someone who has no idea what you’re talking about. Getting a completely new perspective is refreshing and even the simple act of figuring out how to explain something that comes so easily to you is a nice confirmation that you even understand what you’re talking about in the first place!
At any age, my favorite friends are caring. They are kind and interesting and they are actually funny—not that fake funny that some “friends” hide behind when they’re actually just being hurtful or insulting. (We don’t have time for those people in our lives!!)
My favorite friends make me laugh in a wholesome way. They listen. They encourage. When I’ve spent a few hours with them, I leave feeling lighter. I leave feeling joyful.
Perhaps that's the best test for this. I know I have a great friend when they make me better. When they make me the best version of myself. And not in any intentional way. But when they are the kind of person whose very presence in my life encourages me to be the best version of myself. When they believe in me. So I believe in me.
One of my partner’s best friends and I have nearly nothing in common. Not in where we grew up or where we work. Not in what we do for fun or how we structure our days. But this person is one of the greatest friends. And I think that’s remarkably special.
So what makes someone a good friend? Perhaps it's the people you’ve been thinking of while reading this piece. Perhaps you should tell them.
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